Analogy #1

In life we have things thrown at us that may hurt or may not even phase us, but they all have a meaning to them. Will you learn from these things thrown at us and use it to your advantage, or will you let yourself keep getting hurt?


xoxo
Edward Brandon

What's With the Suspision?

Ok, I have a small problem that I HAVE to write out. I notice that out in the world there is so much negativity. For some people, they hold on to that negativity and let it get them down. For me, I like to counteract that negativity with as much positivity as possible. I see that as a good aspect of my nature. I don't know why it wouldn't be. But there is one thing. I have randomly had people in the public or even some of my aquaintances of my daily life, come up to me and ask "are you okay?" Now I don't know if this is because I have this spontanious attitude all of the time, that whenever some thing pops into my head, I will find the best time to act that out (if, of coarse, it is appropriate).
I had someone, a while back, tell me they asked me this because they thought that I was covering up some emotions. In my head at the time, I was thinking "why can't a person simply just be happy without question."
So I thought about what they had said a little bit longer just to analyze it, and I came up with this. If I was in a bad situation that I did not want a sole to know about, yes, I would cover up my emotions with happiness. But I wasn't going through any ordeals at the time, and neither am I now. Yes, a few bumps here and there, some bigger than others, but nothing I haven't been able to overcome in a small amount of time.
But I still have that question lingering in my head "why can't a person be simply happy?"



xoxo
Edward Brandon

Tough as Balls

So one thing that alot of people that approach me in life or become either a friend or an aquaintance with me, realize as they get to know me that I am a crazy, spontaneous, happy, outgoing person ready to meet anyone who walks my way. One thing that a person had asked me a while ago was, "do you ever cry?" Now at first I thought, of coarse I do, but then I noticed that it had been so long since a tear has crossed my face. I thought at first that this was a good thing, then realizing what some of the... "tragities" to put it in that sense, I have gone through, started to notice how sad this is. I thought how can I go through so much of lifes ordeals that only a few select people have to go through all there life, and not have one emotion for it. I must be tough as balls. Crazy right?
Through the past couple of weeks I have been loaded with stressful things such as graduation, friendship ending, drama that do my best not to be in, and so much more. Normally I can run through all of this like a field of daisies, but this time, with EVERYTHING that had gone on, I caved. While walking up to the office to be able to go speak to the school counselor, I just broke out. Now one of my biggest fears is letting other people see my emotions, whether it is anger or sadness. So I ran out the door and into the football field to walk a couple of laps around the track. Doing this calmed me down and helped me release so much of the stress and negativity that had been running through my life in the past couple of weeks. Now I am fine. Still a little bit stress. Who would be in my position. I have graduation in almost less than a week, and I have so much to do. Oh well. Just like everything else, I will stay positive and get through it.



xoxo
Edward Brandon

Abnormal

One thing I have been feeling lately, is that wherever I go, there is at least one major thing that separates me from the bunch. For the place I live, it's me being gay, rather than straight. Almost every person in this small town is straight and I have yet to meet any other gays in this little mud puddle of the Earth.
For the city where I do have other homosexual friends, it's my morals that separate me from the bunch. It seems like everyone out there is just ready and willing to "fuck" any person that walks by. Now this isn't for all of the other gay people I have met, but it is, however, for the majority.
My morals are far different from these people. Growing up in a small town around religious and traditional people helped me to gain these morals. My view on life is that you should always save the sex for when it really matters, not just to have your orgasm for the day. Not my style.
I feel like when you do give yourself up too soon then the person that you are crushing looses that respect for you. Therefore you lose that person emotionally. They begin to stop really paying attention to your needs, and seem to wander around a little bit. They stop wanting to get to know you, and, in a way, start ignoring you.
All in all, in my opinion, it is better to wait to do the nasty. You gain more respect for what you deserve.



xoxo
Edward Brandon

Listen to This.

So there is this song that I will always call my "favorite". I just can't get enough of listening to it. The song is called "Daylight" by Matt and Kim. The song is so happy and, I guess careless in a sense. Not to sound conceited, but it reminds me of myself on some terms. The whole attitude of the song and the energy that comes from it. And every time that I get down or start to have a smug attitude, I listen to this song, because it always reminds me of the way I WANT to live, and how I want to be.

Part of the lyrics is, " and in the daylight I don't pick up my phone because anywhere feels like home". I just love that. I could go on and on about this song, but I won't. And I will suggest to anyone who runs into me in life, to not ask me about this song, because, believe me, you won't really even have a chance to speak.


xoxo
Edward Brandon

Flower Man.

I remember when I was just a young toddler. I was always outside doing something. Like playing in mud, swinging on the swingset, or beating at the bryer bushes across the field to make a fort or a little hut. But one of the things that I remember the most, is the flowers. I was always interested in a new flower or wanting to pick them to make a bouquet. I loved the colors and leaves and so many different aspects of them. I always fell in love with a flower no matter what it looked like.

So one of my most vivid memories of flowers is...

One day I was wandering around the back yard, looking for any flower that would bloom. I saw the little daisies in the grass, you know, the ones that are barely and inch tall, but I didn't know what I could possibly do with them. So I proceeded to look for flowers. I found some flowers that look a little like wood hyacinths but I couldn't get to them because they were in an ants nest. So I kept looking. I ended up wandering to the front yard. What I see is my sister, doing something with those little daisies in the grass. So I walk up to her and I show her the flowers that I had found. She said, "you look like you are going to be a flower man one of these days".

I say "nuh uh. flowers are for girls"

She said "well guys can play with flowers too"

I say "what are you doing with those daisies"

She said "making a necklace"

"how?" I asked.

"you'll find out" she answered.

She finished working on the necklace and gave it to me. "since you're going to be a flower man someday" she said.

I am now 18 years old and tomarrow I have a competition for floraculture. Making arrangements, identifying flowers and so on. Oh, how right my sister was.

We Don't Dream.

So now it’s your first date

You don’t know what to say

You meet at a restaurant

It’s very fancy

It’s nothing like you’ve been to before

He’s being romantic

Holding your hand from across from the table

Looking you in the eye

Giving you all of your favorite complements

At this moment nothing can go wrong

Everything is perfect.

The date comes to a close

You are feeling good

He asks you on another date

You are so overjoyed that you say yes

You think of nothing else

You go home and the rest is to be told

Day go by, weeks then months

This guy is amazing

You don’t see any wrong in him.

It has been a year since your first date

You are sitting on the couch with him

He looks over

Smiles for a second

And asks “would you like to move in with me”

You think for a second,

Then you say yes

It’s a few days later

You are all moved in

It’s your first night there.

You brush your teeth

Self concisely lay the brush on the counter

You are all ready for bed

He calls your name from the bathroom

You go to meet him

You walk in

And he slams you against the wall

You’ve never seen him this angry

He looks insane

You feel in danger

You are more scared than ever before

He is screaming at the top of his lungs

You don’t know what you did.

Once you get to the bottom of his anger you find it was the brush.

You stay up all of the night hoping that he doesn’t wake and flip again

The night has ended

The morning has come

You go out for coffee

Trying to stay away from the house for the day

You go back by 5

The same thing happens

Once the tragedy is over you both sit on the couch

He says he’s sorry

You decide to believe him and blame it on yourself

Blame what he did on yourself

A year goes past

He still beats you

Slaps you, hits you, punches you, throws you against the wall.

You always scream for help

But no one comes to help

You still blame what he does on yourself

One day you go out with your friends

Forgetting to put on your cover up

You meet up with your first girlfriend

Her eyes get big

You wonder why

She tells you to get away from this guy

But you resist

You make excuses

You find reasons to justify what he does

They keep pushing

Trying to get you away from them

You snap

Harder than you ever have before

You resent what they say

You are in love with this guy

You go back home

And today seems different

Something feels worse than before

He comes behind you

Puts his arm around your neck

His arm tightens

You know this is it

This is the last time he is going to do this to you

Not because you are going to leave him

But because you will die

You start to regret what you said to your friends

Once again you are blaming it on yourself

Everything goes black

You don’t see a thing

You don’t feel a thing

You hear people screaming but you cant move

Everything goes silent

You are in the dark

A light comes on

You see your friend

She looks lost

She’s looking for you, calling your name

You call her name

She can’t hear you

You go up to her

But you can’t touch her

This is when you realize it’s all over

No more fighting

No more crying

No more living

But now, you blame what happened on no one.

And then all of a sudden

You wake and realize it was just a dream.





Edward Brandon
xoxo